Lost Boys and Lost Men
by Dina2
Summary: Peter tries to deal with his confusing feelings. Hook’d rather flee from his.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Lost Boys and Lost Men Author: Dina Pairing: Peter Pan/James Hook Raiting: R Summary: Peter tries to deal with his confusing feelings. Hook'd rather flee from his. Sequel to About Crocodiles and Other Strange Creatures. Read that first, please.There's probably one more part to come in these-I should call them series now. Warnings: Nothing really. Slash, if that's need warning. No underage sex. More sadly no sex at all in this part. Disclaimer: I do not own theese charachters but I don't make any profit from this, so don't hurt me AN: All my gratitude goes to Laurel, who was kind enough to beta this strory, making it much better than it previously was. All the remaining mistakes are mine.  
  
1.  
  
He was getting old. Well, maybe not technically aging per se, as everything seemed eternal in this damned place, but still, time was changing and he was definitely feeling its effects. Or maybe his discontent was because he was spending too much time with someone too young – a mere boy. Not for the first time Hook wondered why he wasn't sailing away. He dimly recalled that he hadn't always been bound either to this cursed place or Peter Pan. Yes, he was quite sure about these feelings. Reminiscing about his past, he could definitely remember a chain of islands and himself, much younger, learning how to sail, how to be a captain, how to impose his will upon others. A long ago time when all his desire was focused only upon becoming a feared pirate. It was a time when he truly knew who he was and what he wanted to be – unlike now. Currently, he no longer knew who he really was but he knew what he should do – first build a ship and then find that previously familiar place once more, become feared again.  
  
"Hook! Hook! Hey, what are you doing! You promised to help me! Oh, you are of no use! Why I even asked you in the first place is beyond me..."  
  
Pan was whining, the little pest. Hook was becoming thoroughly disgusted with himself, especially when he found he was leaving his brooding place to go help his young companion with whatever Pan had set his stubborn mind on this time. 'Really'-he thought to himself, 'jumping up whenever he whistles! Hmmph! An old fool, that's what you are!"  
  
2.  
  
"What took you so long? Pan complained. „You are much bigger than I am, why do I have to do everything? And now why are you just standing there, looking dumb? Take the other end of this tree and help me lift it! And...Tinkerbell get lost, you're making everything worse!"  
  
Peter got a brief glimpse of the Captain's stormy face and then shut up as Hook's expression promised no good. This wasn't anything new. Since their strange truce of guarded cooperation, Peter had learned to be extremely aware of the pirate's moods, especially nowadays when he seemed constantly angry.  
  
The boy considered leaving Hook alone until the pirate's mood improved, but then silently berated himself. He would NOT back down, after all, HE was Peter Pan! Nasty scoundrels had never frightened him - not even when they were contemplating the razor sharp tip of their evil hook.  
  
Grumpily inquiring, Hook spoke, "Why do you even want to move that tree at all?" at almost the very moment Peter thought Hook was going to ignore him completly or try pin him up."Playing designer, Pan?"  
  
Peter had no idea either what a designer was or what one did. Hook was always proud of his larger knowledge of words, even when some of them had no meaning at all in Neverland. The boy often wondered where Hook had learned them. He had already tried asking the Captain about whether he'd ever lived in the Real World, but he never got any definite answer as his pirate companion wasn't very forthcoming when it came to information about his previous life. So it fell upon Peter to imagine him –much younger- as a Lost Boy, long before the era of Peter and his gang. It was hard to do so thoroughly as Hook was The Evil Pirate Captain, whose hand had been cut off by himself, Peter Pan, the Lord of Neverland. Peter also wondered what Hook's name was before the injury - because as long as he could remember the pirate had referred to himself as Hook. Peter was admittedly glad the Captain was such a mystery, it kept him constantly occupied.  
  
Meanwhile, Hook had seemed to make up his mind in the affirmative and assist Peter. This suprised the boy so much he almost dropped his section of the tree. The pirate wasn't enthusiastic about hard work and he always made a point of not helping Peter if it wasn't neccesary, so Peter was left pondering but he hadn't the foggiest idea what had brought about this change in Hook's behaviour.  
  
"Now what, Pan?" Well, at least his charming manners hadn't changed.  
  
"Now we put it there, so you will have this bigger hole where you can slide down. See? It's all for your benefit." Peter patiently explained as well as demonstrated.  
  
Hook came up closely behind Peter to take a look at his new access to the bunker between the tree roots. More accurately, he moved closer to Peter but didn't seem interested in the hole, choosing instead to whisper in Peter's ear, "So you were just thinking of me, were you? How very thoughtful of you. Such a nice boy..."  
  
Peter didn't know how to respond, mostly because Hook's close proximity was rather disturbing. Did he want to attack Peter? It didn't seem so, but then what else could he possibly want? Peter shivered without knowing why.  
  
Hook suddenly took a great step back and Peter turned to face him. The pirate's cheeks were flushed and he had a wild look in his eyes.  
  
"You...I'm..." he stuttered, before turning on his heel and storming off into the forest.  
  
Peter stood, looking blankly after him, and thinking ' Now what was THAT all about?'  
  
3.  
  
Away from the boy, Hook chided himself. 'All right, all right, calm down' , adding a 'You bloody fool' for good measure. Hook's problem was that he wasn't sure exactly what seemd to be causing his dilemma. Maybe because he had become aroused and hard because of a child? No, not reay. He was a pirate after all, he had done far worse than corrupting others, than forcing someone to please him....  
  
Maybe the problem was that it was Peter Pan's appearance. He might look like just a boy -with an outfit showing much more than what was strictly appropriate mind you - but he was also a dangerous opponent, a fighter just as good as Hook himself, if not better.  
  
So no matter from which perspective he viewed the situation, the problem originated with his not wanting to corrupt, not wanting to force this child to please him.  
  
But why? What was different now?  
  
Hook sighed, and sat down on his rock, where he usually sat while thinking. Looking at the calm sea he ponderd this new question. He was used to taking what he wanted, and he wanted the boy badly. He wondered when that desire had started, and finally came to the conclusion it originated a long time ago. He rememberd the biting jealousy he felt when Wendy was here, the urge to take her away from Pan, to have Peter all to himself.  
  
And now...now he had Pan for himself. But he hadn't yet done anything till now with the exception of just looking. Stolen glances when the boy was bathing, dressing, sleeping. Just glances because...because...he was intrigued and confused.  
  
Hook sighed again. Somewhere along the way, when he wasn't paying enough attention to his feelings and reactions, he had actually started to care for the brat. He didn't want to cause harm- at least not permanent harm to him and he didn't want Pan to hate him again. It was ridiculous, really. Probably it was due to spending too much time with him. Hook conveniently ignored the fact that he never cared for any of his crew, no matter how many time he spended with them. Peter was a different case after all. Nothing associated with him was ever simple in Hook's mind.  
  
4.  
  
Peter pondered and pondered and finally believed he had pinpointed Hook's problem –Hook was so bored with no one else that he was starting to loose his sanity; assuming, of course, he had any of that from the begining.  
  
Peter could understand that element of Hook - he too often felt the need to boss around someone as he had previously done so with the Lost Boys. Hook used to have his ship and his crew, but now he had no one to direct, as Peter was never good at obeying orders from anyone.  
  
Now quite proud of himself, he further complimented himself because he not only realised the problem, he had found a solution too. In retrospect, it was all so easy and he wondered why he had never thought about it before Hook came along.  
  
Now, all he needed to do was to find some new Lost Boys. He was sure there must be abandoned children still existing in the Real World, all he had to do was to find them and bring them here. He thought about bringing a girl or two, also, this time. After all, it was nice to have Wendy around, but in the end he rejected the idea because he thought she had caused too much trouble and then took away the old Lost Boys in the end.  
  
He couldn't wait to break the news to the Captain - he was sure he would be just as enthusiastic about this as Peter himself was.  
  
---  
  
"You are going to what?" Hook shouted.  
  
Peter really didn't know what was so incomprehensible about his plan. In addition, Peter was bothered that Hook didn't seemed enthusiastic at all. Maybe he just didn't know what was good for him. After all, he dressed in what Peter considered to be rather girly dresses and smoked those awfully smelly cigarettes, too.  
  
So, disregarding the pirate's complaints he flew off with the promise that he would be back soon. Hook's muttered "What a horrible idea!" was cheerfully ignored as he set off on his new mission.  
  
After much effort with little result, Peter started to wonder if the pirate had been right after all. Finding Lost Boys turned out to be a much harder job than he rememberd. He was spending entirely way too much time in the Real World, something he usually tried to avoid. Time seemed to take revenge on him here because it couldn't reach him in Neverland. He was aging way too fast and that made him nervous and irritable. And this obvious frustration certainly didn't help him in convincing lonely boys to join him. Those who hesitated, he either simply left or shouted at them, ensuring they wouldn't want to join him at all.  
  
In the nend, only three children came with him: The first one to join was a small, brown eyed boy who was clutching a three-legged wooden horse. His name was Martin, and he was the eighth child of a poor family. He seemed slightly frightened, but he was more than glad to come. Peter watched him before recruiting: watched as his older brothers bullied him when their mother wasn't looking, watched him as he ate his painfully small dinner, watched him flinch when his mother hit him; Peter felt he understod Martain quite well.  
  
The second one of his new gang was Evan, a rather spoiled, rich kid. He was older than Martin, and around the same age Peter was when he left Neverland. When Peter asked him why he wanted to come – since he seemed to have everything- he just shrugged and said he was bored out of his mind. Peter could understand that as well.  
  
The third and fourth recruits, Gregor and Dean, had circumstances similar to Martin's, eating little and getting bullied, but they hadn't even any parents. Their smiles as they flew away from the orphanage were as bright as the midnight stars.  
  
Peter hoped that four counted as a crew by Hook's standards because he wasn't ready to spend one more minute in this world.  
  
5.  
  
The temperature rose, the weather turned sunny, flowers bloomed and birds sang; Peter Pan was home again.  
  
Hook groaned and burrowed his head under his pillow but it didn't help. The numerous blankets he threw over himself against the cold were too warm now. And his head was pounding, probably due to the massive amount of rum he seemed to recall drinking. He must have drunk a lot, because what he had felt suspiciously like a hangover, and he hadn't had one of those since he started to learn the tricks of navigating a ship.  
  
He weakly called from under the blankets for Smee. When no answer came, he tried again louder. Still nothing, so he crawled out of bed and looked around dumbly. He wasn't at his ship. As things came back slowy he also noticed the changes - the warmth, the bird songs, and the bloody smell of flowers. Pan!  
  
Now he remembered, that was why he started drinking. Because when Pan wasn't here it was cold. Now everything became clear: he had started to drink because Pan wasn't here.  
  
He frowned and stumbled to the basin to wash his face.  
  
Emerging from their 'home', dressed and more mentally alert, he looked around, scanning the horizon for the brat. And there he was, a little black point growing bigger against the blue of the sky...and accompanied by four other similar points.  
  
'Oh, no, please no' he thought desperately 'please let them be fairies, everbirds...whatever... just not more annoying little brats!'  
  
But as the figures become closer and larger, it was obvious that they were exactly what Hook had feared. By the time they had landed in front of him, he saw red.  
  
But when Pan stepped to him with a grin on his his face and announced: "Our new crew!" he suddenly became distracted. Pan had grown while he was away – grown quite a bit. He was no longer a boy with the never-to-be-fulfilled promise of one day becoming a handsome man; he was now a gangly teenager. Pan had grown taller and his clothes reached lower and covered less than ever. Hook felt the sharp twist of arousal in his lower belly. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing emerged.  
  
Before he could try again the oldest looking child asked suspiciously – and disrespectfully –: "Who the hell are you? Peter said no adults lived here!"  
  
Hook wouldn't have tolerated that tone of voice from anyone even during his better days – Pan being an expection- but now, when he possessed a hangover accompanied by a pounding head and unwashed clothes, his anger simply boiled over. Silently, he raised his hook in preparation to slash this rude interloper.  
  
The boy's eyes widened in fear-he didn't even had time to try to move away- but Pan, who was quite used to Hook, guessed what would happen, and before the hook could reach the intended target, he steped forward, blocking the deadly metal weapon with his dagger.  
  
Peter shouted, "Evan, that was stupid! Don't you see, he's not just an adult? He's a pirate!" he said like it explained everything. Adding insult to injury, Pan then had the nerve to smile up at Hook, his teeth flashing and asked "Did you miss me?"  
  
Hook felt it was just too much for him now. He would deal with this latest challenge when he no loner had a splitting headache. Momentarily defeated, Hook merely grunted something, threw his hair over his shoulder with a nervous gesture, and stormed off, refusing to admit even to himself that he was fleeing. He then hoped they hadn't managed to kill all of the crocodiles and one would came and swallow him whole. 


	2. 2

6.  
  
Peter realized The Plan hadn't worked as expected. Hook hadn't jumped at the opportinity to direct the Lost Boys - if anything, he had tried to avoid them at all costs. Peter was most disappointed.  
  
He tried to reason with himself that it was all for the better. He had his new crew now, there wasn't any point in keeping one grumpy old pirate around. None at all. Additionally, how could Hook be so ungrateful? After All, Peter had done this for Hook's benefit! He had gone to the Real World to achieve something he thought would be most appreicated.  
  
Peter was also a bit perturbed aobut the aging thing – his body had changed and was doing strange things. And there was this problem with the dreams. Since he came back he woke more than once with his nightshirt sticking to his thighs and the fleeting memory of forget-me-not blue eyes in his mind.  
  
This was one of those mornings. Peter went to wash his nightshirt once again. He then took the opportunity and looked at himself in the mirroring surface of the water of the small lake. He wonderd if this visible maturation was one of the reasons why Hook was spending so little time with him nowadays.  
  
By all means, he found he had becme quite ugly. He hadn't considered himself pretty before, he hadn't really paid any mind to how he was looking then. But now, he was too thin, his limbs were too long and they even sometimes seemed to live a life independent of his wishes. In addition, he was becoming hairy. On his chest, his arms and legs, in his armpits and between his legs. He frowned at his reflection.  
  
Hook shouldn't have any right to be bothered by the hairy part though- compared to him, Peter was still smooth. He knew, he had observed him a lot lately..  
  
Actually, Peter thought, Hook wasn't exactly pretty himself. Nor was he nice by any means. So what right did he had to avoid Peter? He didn't want to have adventures with him, he didn't want to fight with him- neither for practice nor for real - he didn't even want to look at him!  
  
Peter had managed to work himself up so much that he pulled on his still wet nightshirt and all but ran back to their home to have a talk with the pirate. And he would talk, because if not, Peter decided he would slice off more parts of Hook and feed them to...to any dangerous creature still remaining in Neverland.  
  
7.  
  
Hook hated children. Especially those with whom he had to live under the same roof. He especially disliked the smallest, quiet one. He despised the two middle ones and he absolutely loathed the biggest one with the biggest mouth.  
  
The only one who he didn't detest was Pan. And that made him hate himself.  
  
He just had to think about Pan and here he was. Running back from God knows where in this hour of the morning, with a wet nightshirt sticking to him. Hook groaned. Life was just not fair at the moment.  
  
Pan stood in front of him, panting and angry. "All right Hook, what's your problem?" he demanded.  
  
Not knowing what this was about and not really caring, Hook returned to what he had been doing, namely studying his old maps.  
  
Peter continued to rant ,"You are the most ungrateful, old bastard who ever lived in Neverland, and you should know..."  
  
Now that got Hook's attention. "For one thing I'm not old. And what do you mean ungrateful? Why should I be grateful? Because you destroyed my ship, my crew, my bloody carrier?"  
  
If Hook had thought the brat would give up at this point, he was sorely mistaken. Pan made a move as if to pull out his dagger, then faking a move as if to jump at Hook's throat with only his two bare hands. The captain was instantly ready for the attack, but the boy collected himself and forced the words out through his clenched teeth,"I brought the Boys here for you. I thought... I thought you will be more occupied with them here. To be able to do something. But no, nothing is good enough for you. You are mean to them and you are not even mean to me, you don't spend any time with me and I thought ...I thought we were friends..."  
  
"I make no friends as a matter of principle," interrupted Hook in his nastiest voice "But if you want me to be mean, THAT can be arranged..."  
  
"That's NOT the point" Pan was almost histerical "We seemed to get along well..."  
  
"So why did you bring those insufferable brats back here? Bored with nasty old Hook? Needed children to keep you occupied? Peter Pan, the Lord of these lands" Hook made a wild gesture with his hands "needed some new admirers?"  
  
Hook knew he should calm down as well, he was saying things he never meant to said out loud. Hook was a proud and vain man, he wasn't used to outwardly showing his thoughts or his feelings.  
  
But Pan, of course, wasn't impressed with him. He stepped even closer and was now all but shouting. "You understand nothing! I, I don't need them! I need... I thought you needed them, that you were bored here with no one else but me!"  
  
They were standing extremely close. Hook suddenly forgot his part of the argument. He couldn't think about anything as he took in Pan's angry, reddened face and his sparkling eyes. Just how would it feel to take this boy, to make him his and his alone?  
  
And why shouldn't he? Didn't he have the right after everything Pan had done against him since his arrival at Neverland? Stealing his treasures, his ship, cutting off his hand, destroying his crew, feeding him to a crocodile? So what if lately he found out they were similiar in more ways than one? What if he even found the brat's company not-so-annoying? What if he came to...like him? That last reason alone should be reason enough to do something, to break this strange spell Pan had on him, because what other reason could there be why he would become this concilatory, this compliant?  
  
Why not force him-he would probably easily be able to do so - why not break him? Wouldn't it feel good to look down at him, see him bleed and cry, for Hook to be in control again?  
  
Hook suddenly turned away; he just couldn't do it. He didn't know why, didn't understand it, didn't understand himself at all, but he realized he couldn't hurt the boy. He wanted to see joy and happiness in those eyes, but he had no clue how to cause those feelings.  
  
Stealing and murdering, beating and raping, taking his pleasure by any cost, that was his previous life. He knew anger, he knew greed and selfish joy, but other than those few, the majority of human emotions were beyond him.  
  
He should just go. As far away from here as possible. Or just go to the cliff and jump off. One solution was as good as the other. He turned to do any one of them, but a hand on his arm stopped him.  
  
8.  
  
It was official. Hook lost all of his remaining sanity.  
  
At first Peter thought they were making progress. They spoke. Well, they actually argued, but still, that was something. Then suddenly Hook became awfully quiet again and then got this stange look on his face.  
  
Initially, Peter thought he was going to attack him, but when he looked closer, Hook appeared to be close to tears. Then-as was his usual solution - the pirate turned to run and hide. But this time Peter wouldn't let him.  
  
He grabbed the Captain's arm, and made him turn around. The older man raised his hook, but Peter now wasn't much smaller than him. He took hold of that arm, too, and physically forced the pirate to stand still.  
  
Hook's intense blue eyes were now blazing and two angry red spots appeared on his stubbled cheeks. If asked later, Peter wouldn't have been able to explain what had possessed him. He leaned in close and kissed Hook.  
  
Kissing Hook was nothing like being kissed by Wendy. It was much rougher for one. Hook was taller then him and he was now holding Peter's head in place. Weren't boys only supposed to kiss girls? Peter opened his mouth to ask that, but Hook misunderstood it and pushed his tongue into his mouth. By any other circumstances Peter would have found that disgusting, but the Captain jerked him closer and groaned into his mouth, and feeling disgusted was suddenly the farthest thing from his mind. He was hard, like sometimes when he woke from a pleasant dream, and suddenly that made more sense and the blue eyes in those dreams made sense, and Hook...  
  
And Hook was pushing him away a wild, scared look in his eyes. And of coure he turned away and fled, as he always preferred to do when faced with a difficult situation.  
  
This time Peter didn't stop him. He will came back, he was sure, and they would sort it out. Peter felt happy - he wonderd if he was in love.  
  
9.  
  
Hook's mind churned rapidly as he thought 'That was stupid. More then stupid.' His heart had been beating too loud and his cock had been hard as rock Hook wondered what he should do now. But still, the boy had seemed interested enough...maybe it was time to fulfill his dreams.  
  
But when was a teenaged boy-and Pan was that since he came back from his latest mission- not interested in sex?  
  
The problem was that Hook wasn't ready to deal with his own feelings and even less so to deal with a half-child's. He had never been a courageous man, and usually had someone else to fight his battles. But now there was no one else. And he was scared as hell to fight this practicular battle with nothing else besides his confused feelings.  
  
He had to get away from here, to sort out his feelings or better yet, to forgot them. Looking at the sea, he knew what he would do. He would build a boat or a small ship which he could navigate on his own. He would find new waters, different lands where he could be himself again – a terrifying pirate captain, whose name alone would bring fear to people's hearts. That was what he knew how to do - he should have done it long ago.  
  
10.  
  
It was now more than a day since that kiss. Where the hell was Hook? Peter was becoming restless. The Lost Boys invited him to play and then to hunt, but he hadn't gone with them. He had more important matters on his mind now, he had a pirate captain to find.  
  
It didn't take him long, Hook was where he was most comfortable: on the coast of the sea. He had an axe in his hand, felled trees all around him and he was building...a boat?  
  
"What are you doing?"Peter asked approaching from behind him.  
  
Hook almost dropped the axe, but collected himself quickly."A ship, obviously" came the muttered reply.  
  
Peter didn't voice his thought that ships were typically much bigger and better built as he had more important things to discuss. The most important of all being "Why?"  
  
"To sail away."  
  
"What? Why? To where?"  
  
"Away"said Hook again "Far away from here"  
  
The 'and away from you' was left unsaid but Peter heard it in the tone of Hook's voice.  
  
"Was it so bad then?" asked the boy miserably.  
  
Hook turned, obviously confused "What?"  
  
"The kiss-was it so bad? Was I so bad?"  
  
"No. Of course not." Hook looked away uncomfortably. "It just...I should just go away. I can't be here any longer."  
  
"When will you came back?"  
  
"I don't plan to came back at all"  
  
Peter felt so heartbroken that Hook's muttered "but I probably will" was almost lost on him.  
  
"Oh?"he asked intelligently. "What can I do to make sure you will?"  
  
"You want me to came back?" Peter didn't understand Hook's question. Was Hook this stupid?  
  
"I don't want you to go in the first place. Especially not now. But if you must, then I want you to came back quickly. And I want to make sure you do."  
  
Hook seemed to consider this, then said "Grew up a little more. And...and help me build this damned boat. It's harder then I thought it would be" Peter suspected the last one wasn't what Hook really planned to say, but he let it rest for the time being.  
  
They worked in silence till the boat was ready. Peter only got paniced when he saw Hook stowing away his belongings on the completed vessel. He hoped he would have more time before Hook departed.  
  
"You are leaving right now? I thought..."  
  
"What's the point in stalling?" Hook hesitated than pulled out something from his pocket "Here, that's for you"  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"A letter. I planned to leave it here for you."  
  
"You wanted to leave without a word?" Peter was indignant.  
  
Hook looked embarrassed but didn't deny it. He presented the letter to him and they stood closely, looking at each other. Peter hoped Hook would kiss him, but after a while the pirate turned away.  
  
He pushed the boat to the water and sat in. Only then he looked back at Peter and said a simple "Bye" quietly.  
  
Peter just stood there, still not beliving this was happening. He only came back to himself to shout a "Don't forget to came back" when Hook was already at a considerable distance away from shore. Peter wondered if he should fly after him, but he didn't.  
  
This was Hook's choice, there wasn't much he could do. The boat became smaller and smaller on the horizon and finally it disapeared. Peter stood there for a while after that, hoping he would see it again, this time becoming larger as it returned.. When it became obvious that wouldn't happen, he sighed and turned to go; he missed Hook already.  
  
11.  
  
Hook put down the paddles and looked back. He couldn't see the coast now. He was free. 'No' he thought to himself 'I would only be free, if I hadn't left my heart with a certain annoying brat' Who would have thought he even had a caring heart in the first place? Not him.  
  
He thought about changing his mind and going back, but probably it wasn't a good idea. Not right now, anyhow. Or maybe he just didn't have the courage.  
  
Hook started to row again and hoped he would find what he was searching for. He steadily ignored the suspicion that something was what he had just left behind.  
  
The End  
  
(for now) 


End file.
